Guys

This week was better but I still didn't see more than a couple of real contenders. There was some great action though and Simon was about to start biting his thumb at a couple of the contestants. You don't want to get in the way of a bitten thumb, that's a fact jack.

First and foremost, Jason Castro, there is no crying when the judges critique you. That is unacceptable. I know you have that whole hippie-sensitive thing going but you didn't look sensitive last night; you looked like a pussy. And while we're at it, if you're white and smile ALL the time, you can't have dreads. (See Zack de la Rocha)

Robbie Carrico is the 26yo fake rocker who used to date Brittney Spears. I need to mention him b/c you will never see him after tonight. I cannot believe you did not take the opportunity during your interviews to share one secret about Spears per week. You would have never been voted off. AND YOU WEAR A WIG! See you later Robbie Carrico, Robbie Carrico. I'm writing it twice cause you're gonna need all the good press you can get after this night.

On the good side,

David Archuleta = Tweenie Panty-Moisturizer

Girls

The girls weren't as good as the guys, but they were better than last week. I think this is the best group of girls ever on Idol. They voted the only fat girl off early and that's important. I still remember when Kelly Pickler was voted off the week she wore a skin-tight leather outfit. What is wrong with people!?!

I hate to rant on Asia'h again but what a video last night. She was a cheerleader. Are you kidding me? As though the silent 'h doesn't already make me think she's a bitch, I get to watch her in a 60-second clip portraying the most socially intimidating figure in my post-pubescent years. I wish she'd die already and let me get on with my life. And didn't your voice crack last night? Why didn't anybody mention that? Is it because you're black ARE you black?

There are four hot blondes still on the show. One can do a Britney impersonation and one of them can ride horses. The other two can sing. Not sure which one will be top 5 but I love that these choices exist.

Bye Jason, Bye Robbie, Bye Alexandria, Bye Kristie Lee

-C.C. Swiney