I wanted to write so much more than this. I'm sorry its so long, but its good. I think. No, its good but I want you to like it. Or dislike, feel something for it. You understand? Fuck you anyway, here it is:

Welcome to Hollywood!

Less than a month ago, these were the exciting words that rang through the small-town ears of about 200 contestants when they were told they would be moved on to the next round of American Idol. That lasted for all of two episodes and now we are down to the final 24.

I'm glad that AI decided to shorten the length of the Hollywood round from 3 weeks for 6 episodes to 1 week of two episodes. I mean really, do we want to find out that much back story about a bunch of losers? No offense, Josiah.

The real story this week was 17 year old David Archuleta. His raspy voice would leave you to believe he was a 60 year old man who'd swallowed a can of mace as a child. But this teenage heartthrob will no doubt have 12 year old girls creaming their chonies. With Simon behind this kid and the youthful John Mayer look, watch for David to take the fast boat to the top 12 and fizzle out somewhere around 6th place.

More important than the talent and look of a contestant, is the name. This year is further evidence that parents no longer name their kids John or Suzie anymore. We have Chikezie Eze and Asia'h Epperson. I mean OMGWTF?!? What parent not only names their child after a continent but then decides that a silent 'H' would really set her apart from the pack? I've decided that when I have a child pop star, I'm going to name her Antarctica'h just to get here through the initial audition phase.

Early predictions on the final 3:

-C.C. Swiney