I understand the separation anxiety experience that most have when they finally fly the nest and enter the world on their own. I mean, who will grill my cheese sandwiches? Who will fold my clothes? Who will clean and take care of my pet? Since Eve, mothers have been loved for so long that its become a cliche to unconditionally embrace mommy for all the work she did for us. After all, this was the only teet we men will ever suckle without considerable effort or alcohol. But with all the arguments in favor of mother, I think one pressing question is ignored: Why are we forced to leave the nest in the first place? Is it really so much trouble to buy our favorite cereals and pick up our socks? And why do Moms create so much pressure on their baby birds, when they are a mere 18, to throw themselves into the real world? Mothers are the reason we have to buy alarm clocks for work, instead of awaking at noon to the smell of blueberry muffins. Mothers are the reason why we can no longer toss dirty dishes on a couch and have them magically disappear. The sheer laziness of mothers and their inability to care for us for a decent amount of time (say 35-40 years) is the reason why I believe mothers should be removed from the list of infallible influences and lumped into the same ambivalent, resentful category that fathers have occupied for centuries.

Wake up, Mom, and try thinking about someone other than yourself for once.