Although Captain D’s will never make its way into the Fast Food Power Rankings (drive-thru fish, are you fucking kidding me?), at least one of their menu items is pure genius. “Cracklins” are the bits of fried batter that fall off the fish when it’s being cooked and sit at the bottom of the oil for a while. The danger level of eating these things is reflected in their price -- free. Honest to god, if you order cracklins at Captain D’s, they give you a big free box (and a look of deep concern) without charging you a dime. They don’t even pressure you into buying a small Coke or anything. I’ve tried -- It’s like they just want to get you out the door before the other customers see what you’re eating. But once you’re away from prying eyes, enjoy -- I’ll be god damned if those things aren’t like a perfect combination of funnel cake, popcorn, and pork rinds.

Although I hardly ever have occasion to stop by a Captain D’s these days, Cracklins will live in my heart forever. At least that’s what my doctor said after I started having chest pains.